Those Poor Foster Kids


27 Feb 2015

Don’t pity my foster children.  They don’t need it.  Oh, yes, there was a time when I pitied them, but that was short lived.  I realized in a quick hurry that there is no time for pity here.

Dive into the life of a quality foster parent for even a short bit of time and you will find that we are pretty tough people.  Maybe it’s the things we’ve seen or the real world sickness that is in our face every day, but our skin is pretty thick.

I assure you, we didn’t start out that way.  Behind all of the seasoned foster parents is a journey.  My journey started with an emotional breakdown a few days after my first foster child joined my home.  Once reality set in and more of her story started to emerge, I lost faith in humanity for a bit.

There is a darkness that foster parents don’t tend to share with anyone except one another.  You see, the only people who truly understand the load we carry are other foster parents.  With each new child, the darkness sets in for a week or so once their story starts to unfold.  We are reminded with each new story just how wicked and sick our world can be and that’s a huge load to carry sometimes.  I find myself irritable, exhausted and short tempered at times because my mind and heart are on overload with my lost faith in humanity.

I still smile, get to know my new child, care for all of my children and carry on, but the inner turmoil is still there.

Not too long after that, the light starts to sprinkle back in and before I know it, I’m breathing again without feeling like someone is sitting on my chest and happiness reappears.

In these days of darkness, I find myself overwhelmingly sad.  Once I find my way out of the darkness, my determination and strength return and the battle is on.

 

I strap on my mom armor and go to battle for this child.

 

That battle involves :

-doctor appointments

-therapy intakes

-numerous dental visits

-school registration

-conferences

-IEP case conferences

-extra-curricular sign ups

-DCS Team Meetings

-advocating

-court hearings

-visitations

 

And loving them, which includes:

-hugging them

-laughing together

-feeding them good food

-making memories

-unlearning of the old

-teaching of the new

-repeating

-rewarding

-repeating again

-disciplining

-repeating some more

-celebrating

-affirming

-defending

-protecting

-building up

-and instilling

 

I don’t have time for pity.  And neither do they.

Compassion?  You bet!

Prayers?  Without a doubt.

Pity? No.

Take the energy you would use on pity and be a part of the solution. Want to know how?  Just ask.  I’ll tell you.

 

But don’t pity my kids.  That will get them nowhere.

And don’t pity me.  I’ve got this.

 

Thank a Foster Parent HERE

Thank a DCS Professional HERE

Follow me on FACEBOOK: THE FOSTER LIFE and TWITTER

 

Read More:

THE $100 VACATION PLAN

THE ANXIETY-FREE VACATION

THOSE FRIGHTENING TEEN FOSTER GIRLS

FOSTER CARE: THE FIRST 30 DAYS

YOU SHOULD JUST STOP FOSTERING

I COULD NEVER BE A FOSTER PARENT

FOSTER PARENTS CAN BE CRAPPY TOO

FOSTER FEARS: WHAT ABOUT MY OWN CHILDREN?

I FOSTER FOR THE MONEY

THOSE POOR FOSTER KIDS

THOSE CRAPPY DCS CASE WORKERS

 

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Jill Rippy

Being a foster mom is one of the biggest blessings of my life. Bio mom of two and foster mom to many, I count myself lucky to be on this foster journey. My mission is to change the lives of children who enter the foster care system and to recruit quality foster parents to join in this life changing work. I consider it a blessing to be a mother, foster mother, teacher, author and inspirer.

Comments

  1. Debbie Wolfer Says: February 27, 2015 at 9:39 am

    I so totally agree with this article.
    My husband and I absolutely love being foster parents.
    We also don’t allow the pity card to be used. I don’t want any child to believe that pity will get them what they want.
    We work hard on Respect, and Responsibility. We express that if you hold yourself accountable for your actions you will always find respect within yourself and from others.
    They don’t need pity they need guidance and compassion.
    Thank you
    Debbie

  2. agreed. I wrote something like that a few days ago, The Overkill & The Compensating: Foster Child Gifts, because I feel that pitying is a harmful form of help… Unfortunately, it is one of the most used “help” people tend to offer.

  3. Just stumbled upon your blog. The post is great. As an also seasoned foster parent I could absolutely relate. Really glad that there are people like you taking care of kids in the foster care system.

  4. I totally agree with this. These kids don’t need pity. Life isn’t ever going to be easy on them. They need lots of love and encouragement and shown how to persevere and succeed. When my 16 year old came to me she immediately started a job at Chic fil a. Best thing I could have done for her. She’s saved a lot of money and learning everything isn’t handed to you. I’m very proud of her.

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